Ebbing Out

by Amelia Kanan

Oh, those toes...those smart, smart toes.

Oh, those toes…those smart, smart toes.

A writer once told me, wait let me correct myself. A screenwriter once told me, oh hold on. Actually, it was an actor/writer who told me that a screenwriter had told him “There is no such thing as ‘writer’s block'”. Rather, there are two modes in which writers exist in, input mode and output mode. This could be applied to any sort of creative work and to be honest, it could be applied to life in general. Ebbing and flowing is natural. Pulling away, coming back. It’s up to us to be able to sense these tides and allow ourselves to be courageous enough to just trust it and go with it.

For the past two months I’ve been ebbing. A perfect example of how this great crazy universe works, giving you everything you need right when you need it, my camera broke. Since, I can be a little dense, I didn’t take that as a sign and needed a few other things to happen in order for me to realize that I needed to just leave my computer and camera on shore and let the sea take me out into the open water to just swim.

Although I have my day to day teaching and gallery managing obligations, which in those alone are demanding, I’ve definitely felt a break without all the freelancing. I’ve been able to hang out with my cousins, mail things to people, read, watch movies, kayak, catch up with friends, live in the moment, go to yoga, play tennis, laugh, meditate, release that stress and just nurture the soul.

Before you roll your eyes and say “must be nice” to be able to just stop doing whatever you are doing because you don’t “feel” like it, let me explain the reality of this.

We all have our real ball and chains in life, that we can’t just decide to walk away from because we “feel” like it. Obviously, you can’t walk into work and be like “Hey, yeah so the universe called and said I need to ebb out for like 2 months, so…is it cool if I just kind of do my thing for the next few?” or tell your two year old “Listen, kid I’m really feeling like the universe doesn’t want me to be around you so, I’m going to ignore your crying and dip out on life”. However, there are ways to just shake it up if you’re feeling like the motions are losing their meaning. There’s nothing worse than meaningless motions.

It’s not easy allowing yourself to just do what you feel you should do. We’re taught that it’s selfish or weak. Well, I’ve lived enough years as myself to know that I am not selfish and definitely not weak. I would be ungrateful not to experience all the good things and good people that I am so lucky to have around me. Not to mention, it’s like not feeding yourself when your hungry. Souls get hungry too, so you should feed them.

Besides, nothing lasts forever.

To quote one of my heroines (who I was so honored to read at my cousin’s wedding last month), “We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb.” -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The truth is, just as I have begun to miss that sandy shore where my camera sits on my towel, I can feel the tide changing, pushing me right back to the beach. I can’t wait to dry off and get to work.