Life Gives You Exactly What You Need When You Need It (Part Deux)
by Amelia Kanan
Sunday morning, I woke up and told myself “Enough is enough”. I went for a 12 mile bike ride, made a protein shake, took a shower, shaved my legs and put on outfit together I had never worn before. It was something out of my comfort zone but I felt good and even beautiful for the first time in a long time. I had the house to myself but instead of getting sucked into the silence and solitude, I decided to go somewhere where I could be productive. I had spent the week before writing more than a dozen different cover letters for jobs in all sorts of industries: copywriting, journalism, admin, finance, TV. If I met the qualifications and had the experience, I applied and wrote a specific letter for the position. I was burnt out. I hadn’t written anything fun, funny, poignant or just for myself in so long and I felt a little disconnected from the light hearted half of me. I was sick of the seriousness and needed to just do something to make me happy. So I headed to my office…Starbucks. I made sure to go to a location where I would not run into anyone, I couldn’t deal with distractions. On the way, I called a friend who I hadn’t talked to in awhile. I was feeling guilty about the last thing I had said to her when I had texted her the week before in response to her voicemail inviting me to come over, drink wine, sit by the fire pit in her backyard and catch up….”I’m sorry. I’m just not up for it. I miss you though so hopefully soon.” Drama remorse. When she answered, she couldn’t talk but she was quick to make plans and then added “Hey, do you want to come with me to ‘that thing I go to’ tonight?” “Totally” I said, without skipping a beat. I usually always politely declined because ‘that thing’ she is referring to has to do with some deep things like ESP, mediums and spirituality and as intuitive to those things as I am…I’m leery of sharing any of that with anyone. But, I felt today was different. I wanted to continue my day the same way I felt when I had woken up that morning. Positive, ready to be happy, open and embrace everything life has to offer me. When I hung up the phone, I literally said (not out loud) “Yeah, day. Bring it. I’m ready for life.”
45 minutes hadn’t even passed when I noticed a figure coming into Starbucks. I didn’t look up but I recognized it was a mom of a close childhood friend of mine who I hadn’t been speaking to. Actually, months before she had written to me 3 nasty e-mails in a row, responding to a loving one I had sent letting her know that I loved her even though she felt like I abandoned her. I had stopped communication because of drug use and all the characteristics that go along with that. Long story short, there was tension between us. Her mom and I had always stayed close, though, another thing that rally bothered her. I noticed her mom was with someone, a female, it was her daughter-my friend who had just sent those mean words to me. Isn’t life amazing?
We looked at each other and I saw for a second, in her eyes the question of “Fight or Flight”. Well, neither were necessary because obviously I smiled and stood up and we hugged each other. She cried…and…I didn’t. In the moment I felt bad for that but, afterwards I understood why. We talked, I mostly listened, she seemed better but I had thought that years before too and had been wrong so I couldn’t trust my judgment. They had to go and it lasted about 15 minutes but it felt…open, not wrapped up and my logic and emotions were so unclear so I asked when she was leaving and we made plans to take a walk later that night. “Do you want to get drinks?” she asked and I, as non judgmental as possible asked “How about a walk?”. I told her it was going to be late because I had this “thing” I had to go to with my friend, which was on the other side of town and would go until 9pm. “You know me, I’m a night owl.” She said and hugged me again with tears in her eyes. She left and I looked around, aware of everyone there and a little embarrassed that these strangers were the only witnesses of the personal bomb that had just dropped into my life.
To Be Continued…