by Amelia Kanan
I was just going to write a post telling everyone how settled I was, here in Michigan. I was going to finally, openly admit to everyone how happy I am, although I am away from the place I loved and called home. I was going to tell you how well I have adjusted to this new life that I’ve created for myself. I was going to tell you about my friends here, my family and of all the exciting things I get to do on a regular basis. I was going to explain how much I enjoy all the hard work I’m doing building a “name” and portfolio.
But…then…I face timed with some pretty special faces.
One of those little special faces just kept asking when I was going to “come home” and that I needed to “hurry up”. All these faces were all in the backyard that I used to pick tomatoes and lemons from. The backyard where I would feed the cats and dogs. The backyard where we would build water obstacle courses to run through. The backyard that I complained about the dog’s business being everywhere. The backyard from where I accidentally let a stray cat into the house and didn’t notice until it jumped onto the couch.
Then I thought about that couch. That big, cozy, comfy couch that I would constantly be picking toys off so I could catch up on my DVR in peace. That couch where I had laid with two of those special little faces, as they slept so soundly. That couch is where we all would sit at the end of our days and drink wine, talk about our days and how ridiculous I thought their neighbors were. That couch is where everyone sat as I weighed in to Wii Fit and then yelled at everyone for looking. Onto that couch is where I would throw those special little faces into a pile of pillows and tickle them until they said stop. That couch is where we sat, the night before Easter, filling hundreds of plastic eggs with money and candy to hide the next day. That couch is where I fed bottles to one of those little faces before she could walk. That couch is where I drank coffee and read the headlines. That couch is where we all had watched countless hours of football games, awards shows, Oprah, movies, Amazing Race, documentaries, 20/20 and Totoro. On that couch I’ve spilled, danced on top of, slept, ate my favorite caviar dip, argued, disappeared, snuggled, laughed uncontrollably, cried uncontrollably, comforted little “owies”, read books, sang the soundtracks to Sound of Music and Mary Poppins, made phones calls, bought airplane tickets, ordered carry out, painted my nails, ichatted, did work, snacked on popcorn…I mean, the list could literally just keep going.
Seeing all those faces, not just the little ones, made me remember how at home I was, so far away form the place I have alway called “home”. I had a whole family. Biologically, it wasn’t mine and although it was odd to so many people, it seemed to work for the time. I don’t regret leaving, I know I will always be a part of their family and the love I have for each of them will never go away but missing them hurts. The 5am personal wake up calls with the USC fight song in my face, the screams of laughter I would hear when jumping out from behind a door, playing basketball and losing to a 5 year old, homemade fish sandwich night, the Hesby beat, riding bikes, Menchie’s, the DVR lineup, knowing every little thing that happens in a day to everyone, “my” cozy bed, the smell of the front yard, hanging out in the front yard and talking to all the neighbors and the feeling of going to bed knowing it all gets to start again in the morning are the things that can be so forgettable because they were the things that were so routine, not extraordinary-just normal.
I love you special faces and miss you every day.