by Amelia Kanan

I decided to make a list of status updates in which I exercised discretion on and withheld from Facebook. Lucky for you, my blog is a whole other game and I get to say whatever I want.

-I burned my butt in the shower, so now my cheeks itch.

-Sometimes, when I’m alone, I pretend like I’m being interviewed by Oprah (pre-OWN).

-When I see a girl who looks like a boy and I think “he’s” cute, I tell myself she’s a boy so I can keep the crush alive (not that there’s anything wrong with girls liking girls and/or girls that look like boys).

-You know you had a good work out when you take off your bra and your Driver’s license is stuck to your boob.

-I just dumped cold coffee into the toilet and it made me feel uncomfortable and a little embarrassed.

-My mom is too Swedish, even for me aka she is way too comfortable and open with her body.

-A real sign of growing up-I no longer like brushing my teeth in the shower.

-Do you ever feel homesick for the smell of your old gym locker room? No? Yeah, me neither.