My Fant-ta-ta-seeee

by Amelia Kanan

I’ve had a downer week. No biggie. Every month has this special little time reserved for me to feel like shit and eat like shit. But, in the meantime and in typical Amelia form, I’m left to examine the moment, what exists within it and how I can learn from it.

Anyway, besides my new past time of painting that has been pretty consuming, I’ve been indulging my fantasies by doing random google image searches for furniture, houses, locations, patterns, colors, pillows, bedding, kitchen tiles, bathroom tubs, etc. Then that just leads me into weirder places. Googling strangers’ names that are artists, designers and architects I think I’m in love with. Some are married with kids and live beautiful lives, others are not very attractive and most are dead. I have a crazy obsession with Pinterest. I get giddy when someone re-pins one of my posts. No, it’s not like I discovered it, created anything or even bought it…all I did was “pin it” to a board and said “I like it” and I get mass props.

The bathtub that made me feel so good about getting repinned so much. So stupid.

This escape from my world is a dangerous path and what scares me even more, is that I know I’ll get burnt out in a bit and move on but for as long as Pinterest, CraftGawker and just simple blogs and Facebook will be around, it’s going to perpetuate. People are living lives they’d like to be living, purely online. They can post beautiful things, only the good pictures of themselves/families and self edit themselves into a nice, perfect, beautiful package for the world to see. Omiting the credit card debt, the husband that is never home, the kids that aren’t doing well in school and the business that just failed. These things have become a collage for them to hang on their wall to look at once, twice, three times a day. Admiring themselves and their lives so they can be reassured that their lives are okay. Their life can look and seem beautiful to someone else and its because of that that they can feel good about it too.

Anyway, I’ve gotten off track. Here’s a recent fantasy little trip I took:

Stockholm (Old Town)

Sweden, where I’m obviously destined to live. (I would even do Copenhagen or somewhere in Norway.) I would live in a flat in Old town. Modest but lots of windows and sky lights to help make my indoor garden lush and full.

This would be my neighborhood block.

On one of my routine excursions either to the market, to photograph, cross country skiing or sitting in the cafe down the street writing, I would meet Magnus Norma. Or maybe even just a regular guy like Norbert Sabic. We’d hit it off immediately through our shared sense of humor and his empathy for me being such an obvious foreigner. He finds it endearing rather than annoying.

Norbert Sabic

Magnus Norman

I think the more and more I think about it, Norbert is the one I prefer. Magnus is just too dramatic. It’s always all about him and Norbert just adores me.

After a year or so Norbert has to move for his job and this is the organic way to bring our relationship to the next level. This is where the fantasy has a gap, not sure if we get married, get knocked up or just decide to move in together but we buy an old house in the new town we’ve moved to. We are both super excited to do a remod and as a house warming present Norbert surprises me with the horse I’ve always wanted and when I say “Oh, Norbert, we can’t possibly!” He says “We can’t have a farm without a horse, Amelia!” and we laugh and I keep it and name him Henry.

Babies sleeping outside in the snow.

The rest is all pretty normal. I begin work on my second book while redoing the house and riding Henry. And as soon as all that begins to wind down, I decide it’s time to have a baby (if I already didn’t have one). Our baby, takes naps outside every day, even in the cold of winter. We eat from our garden as much as we can. And try and have friends for dinner every weekend. Life is good. Simple. Mundane but so perfect.