The Girl Inside the Sophisticated Lady
by Amelia Kanan
One of my best friends, actually two now that I think about it, hated me at first. Well, “hate” is a strong word, let’s just say they were intimidated by me (I’m going to get shit for this one I can feel it). When I met her she saw me as a sophisticated 19 year old who drank red wine and listened to jazz and Van Morrison on a record player. My roommate and I had a lot of candles and we hung “art” aka other things than movie/music posters in frames on the wall. Because of these things, she thought I was smart, serious, together, wise and cultured and even though I was some(most) of those things, I was not the better-than-her person for who she saw me. Plus, there were logical reasons for all those things, which were not sophisticated reasons at all:
I drank wine because beer made me full and want to go to sleep. I was actually jealous of girls who drank beer, I felt they looked cooler than me and were obviously more go-with-the-flow then me.
I listened to depressing music because I was depressed.
I had a lot of candles because I was depressed. Well, that and I liked the scent.
I enforced the art/frame rule in our apartment because my roommate, the year before, had napkins and CD’s hanging on our wall as art (no offense, Steph, you know I loved them for that one year).
Even though that was 10 years ago, I’m still finding myself in similar situations, constantly. I am forever misrepresenting myself, lots of times I do it without even realizing. I attract the wrong kind of people. People who want to be in a club. People who like to feel smart. I’m a magnet for those who want to be cheeky and supercilious. Or, I turn people who I want to be around off by seeming blasé or superior. I’m the opposite of all that (although, I do love clubs and…enjoy feeling smart). Seriously, though, I’m the opposite of serious. Does a sophisticated lady live in a reality like this?
Everyday, I either break something, get lost, trip, spill some sort of liquid onto something important, or lose something.
I laugh more than the average person and usually at nothing in particular or something I can’t even explain.
I’m painfully sensitive.
The car I just got rid of had a missing side mirror that had been missing since 2006.
I still owe Verizon $53.23 for a bill that ended 3 years ago.
I still yell at my parents.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s been nice behind this veil. But, I’m a work in progress and the progress can’t come if I’m not honest. So, here it is, my debunking of things people have judged me for: I can tell you interesting bits of history (it’s random and chances are, I got it from wikipedia), know how to work a room (I’m insecure, talking and the art of distraction are my defense mechanisms), furrow my eyebrows and stare into the distance (I’m trying to remember where I lost something), let you know where I stand on lots of issues (I don’t even know where my “facts” come from), have read lots of books (it doesn’t mean I retain much), don’t wear jeans (I don’t feel cute in them), enjoy depressing french cinema (I like to cry and pretend I’m one of the women in the movie), like nice restaurants (because I like good food), choose to valet (I’m usually running late and I hate feeding meters)…and last but best of all, a special shout out to the one I love: Yes, I know good wine (it doesn’t mean I won’t drink the $3.99 7-11 brand with you on a Tuesday night, on your couch). The list could go on (like the beat. haha. get it?).
So, we all know first impressions aren’t everything and next time you’re getting some kind of strong vibe from someone, maybe try thinking of the motive behind their behavior. It could lead you to the person they actually are and it might save you from hating someone you actually might love or loving someone you might actually hate. You can thank me later. Oh, I’ll just say it now…you’re welcome.