On Last Week’s Episode of Amelia…
by Amelia Kanan
It’s been awhile. Things have been a bit cray cray. Let’s catch you up to speed:
Went to LA:
Drove my important things to San Diego storage unit. Drove back to LA. Drove to Long Beach. Drove to LA. Cleared out my life. Purged things I never thought I could: all of my scripts, letters from people I don’t know anymore, most of my clothes. It felt amazing. Hugged goodbye to my peoples. Cried at random moments to people I don’t really know. Felt more anxiety than sadness. Drove back to the LBC. Sold my car for 5-hundo. Had a crush on the guy who bought it. His name was “Kevin”. Kevin’s name is in quotations because that’s not the name his parents gave him. I hung out for another day and a half after that. Fought with my best one. Ate whatever I wanted and gained 5 pounds. Actually, there was a reason for all that, if you know what I mean.
Since I’ve been back in the lower part of the thumb bone:
Two protein shakes and one meal days have begun, thus I’m a little on edge. I’ve hit the workout ground running but that’s the only productive thing I’ve taken part in. That was a lie-I’ve also applied for 15 jobs this week. I took a nap at the wrong time of the day yesterday. Shot my night in the foot. I have a middle-aged stalker. His name is Kevin too, without the quotations. I’m frustrated with my writing and lack thereof. I have to find stock footage. I need to do some historical research but instead I do google searches for “unique home library designs”. Then I see beautiful images and it makes me hate my photos. I’m feeling dirty, tired and fraudulent. I hate my hair. I hate my face. I hate not having my own place. Agghh, I need to shake it shake it shake it off.
Oh that felt good. But, all this negalicious-ness needs to exit my muscles, my bones and my soul. I have to flip it, I’m over it. Deep breath. Okay, here we go. Things to be hap hap happy about: I’m safe, not living out of my car, I lost those 5lbs I had gained, I don’t have halitosis, my parents aren’t dead, I don’t have to get a female circumcision, I can go see a movie whenever I want, my yoga instructor gives facial massages during shavasana with scented oil, I have a computer and a camera and gosh darn it, people love me. I’m so grateful.
I am happy. Thank you. More, please. (If you don’t know what I’m referencing, I suggest a little soul-searching.)