My Secret Bugaboos.

by Amelia Kanan

I know I preach a lot about how you should do the things that scare you but I do believe we all need  a little campfire under our rumpity rumps to get ‘er done. Translation: It’s good to have some fears that make us run away and hopefully into a better place. For your enjoyment, I’ve laid out a few of the things that give me cold sweats. Please note, some of these are meant to make you laugh. It’s sad I even have to remind some of you of that and I hope you find some time today to reflect on that.

-I’ll become one of the Occupiers. Preaching about how horrible society is while trying to sell handmade, crochetteed pets to tourists.

-I won’t ever have a kitchen with a fireplace in it.

-My life will always be set in survival mode. No peaks of luxury and no comfort of future security.

-I’ll never learn certain things like financial responsibility, reading contracts, properly folding a fitted sheet (even Martha couldn’t teach me), buying things like houses, french braiding,  etc.

-My life will be pitied. Yes, it’s true, I live my life so people I love and even strangers on the street won’t walk by, shake their head and think “Poor girl”.

-I’ll take on behavior I said I would “never” do like…work a job for decades that I despise, have pets instead of a husband or just allow the weight of life to crush me.

-That I’ll never have someone around to kill spiders and take out the garbage for me. I really hate that stuff.