My Numba 1

by Amelia Kanan

If you know me, then you would know that I don’t really have acquaintances but instead “best friends”. People get annoyed because it seems to them that I over use this title but the fact is, I love hard and bond quickly. It’s either all or nothing with me and I am proud of it. I’m only facebook friends with people I feel I’ve actually shared something real with and I’ve been known to not accept a friend request or two because I felt it was fraudulent. It’s also taken me awhile to get the whole “networking” thing down because, frankly, I don’t like interacting with people I don’t get  and that don’t get me.

However, out of all of my “best friends”, I have to admit, I have a number one. In saying this, I realize that I might break some hearts and even make some people mad but she’s earned this ranking. Besides, I’m trying to blog this journey I’m on as accurately as I can and in order to do so, this entry is inescapable. Here’s the sitch:

Time zones are a bitch and I can’t talk to my numba one as frequently as I’m accustomed. No more do I get to see her weekly, know her day-to-day business and be able to interact with all the people within her life. It’s one of the hardest things for me to say goodbye to.

She, to me, is a pillar. A sister. Family. My home. I can honestly say I know no one else like her and don’t have any relationship that is comparable. She is someone who I am constantly in awe of, sometimes jealous of, always entertained by, socially fulfilled with, understood and comforted by. She’s someone who knows what I’m thinking without even looking at my face, who’s loved me when I couldn’t love myself and who has forgiven my ugliest of behaviors. She is the twin I never had. She’s not afraid to yell at me for what I’m thinking and disagree about my personal choices. She is the one that can slice me with the blade of truth, not to make me bleed but to show me that pain and wounds heal. She’s pushed me to be a better person, literally forced me to climb higher, run faster, raise my bar and fight harder . She’s taught me not to be a victim, to overcome the urge to cry, to close my eyes to fear, to sometimes fake strength just to get me through something unbearable and how to love through stubbornness and anger. She is the one person (outside of family) I fully believe that loves me unconditionally (that’s a concept that’s very hard for me to accept).

I apologize for the sappy-ness, especially to her (she hates sappy). But, the point of this: she is not in Detroit. This is difficult. It kind of kills my heart. I know this is life and things change. I’m not worried about our friendship, it’s endured distances and decades. I know that our bond will be more than ok but that doesn’t mean I am ok with it. I miss her.