Not a nanny anymore.

by Amelia Kanan

$20 a day in gas. Seriously.

I have a new mom friend (can’t shake ’em) and started working for her until I leave on November 21st. You know that saying “it’s different when they’re your own kids”? I’m learning how true it is. The kids I’ve already worked with and the ones that I know and love are all exceptions to what I’m about to say. Because, with them none of this feels so grueling. However, when it comes to NEW kids, NEW gripes and NEW personalities I am so over it. I’m over having to play pretend, over listening to someone I don’t know whine about something so small, over bathing bodies, over making meal time fun, over cleaning faces that don’t want to be cleaned, over wiping bottoms, over reminding everyone to go to the bathroom, over overly tired kids and I’m over arguing about treats. This switch in me is unnoticeable to the kids and parents but for me, I can feel it. I love kids more than anyone and anyone who knows me knows that but I’m ready to live a life outside of the mom world because, I’m not a mom. I’m sick of feeling dirty, I want to wear heels and makeup to work, I need peers and coworkers to talk to about things other than the sleep habits of a 4-year-old, I want responsibility and duties that differ from going to the playground and making dinner. I’m smart, talented, hardworking and good at rising to the occasion even when I don’t feel like it which is why I make a good nanny but my heart is just not in it. Not to mention, I look at the mom’s and wonder “Why you and not me?”. I know how easily this all comes to me and can’t help but feel saddened because I don’t get to have that.

The thing is. This new mom that I’m working for has the career I want. She produces documentaries and has worked in publishing, television and film. Her husband works in reality and I’m hoping that maybe…if I help her until she finds someone permanent and if she likes me (which, as of right now, she loves me) that when all is said and done she could help open some sort of door, window, dog door, back gate, hole in the fence, etc. Here’s to hoping!