by Amelia Kanan
Even when I had my own apartment, I was still known as America’s guest. If I had plans for dinner or drinks at your house, chances were you weren’t going to get rid of me at bedtime. There were a few reasons for this #1 People who are around me can’t get enough of me, #2 I love waking up with people and #3 I drank too much and couldn’t drive. When I made the decision to leave my comfortable nanny/family assistant job in order to challenge myself and pursue a career path in “the industry”, I debated only for a moment whether or not to stay in my apartment. Why pay rent for a place where I never sleep, especially if I don’t have a job to afford it? I had lived out of my car (by the way, that’s completely different than living in your car) the previous year and had found the experience liberating, full of lessons and an important moment of growth. Easy decision. The thing is, as most of us know, no lesson or experience ever remains the same. My lesson this time, is obviously very different. It’s a good one but it’s much more difficult. Even though I went into this knowing it was going to be a challenge, I had no idea how different my struggles would be and I’m sure much is attributed to the fact that it’s not a “new” experience this time so, there’s a lack of enthusiasm. Friends’ homes I used to feel completely at home in, feel foreign. My presence at a dinner table feels unworthy. My breathing has even changed. This weekend, a friend of mine commented on how I was heavy sighing almost every hour on the hour. I truly believe we do the things we’re supposed to do, make the decisions we’re meant to make and experience those consequences for a reason. However, in times of stress, uncertainty and desperation it’s easy to doubt. I’m trying my best to stay focused, driven, positive, social and open however, I’m getting tired and nervous that this is going to cause me to start growing gray hair. That’s the last thing I need. I do want to say thank you, though. Thank you to the wonderful friends and families in my life that all believe in me, support me even if they don’t agree with what I’m doing and are constant encouragers. Thank you for your dinners, glasses of wine, couches, contacts, beds, pick-me-up cards, dance parties, blankets, pillows, PR, pep talks, bikes, your kids that wake me up and get me to the gym early, cups of coffee and DVR. I love you all and I can’t wait to be in the position to do for you what you’ve all done for me!