Down and Out in Beverly Hills

by Amelia Kanan

One of the most difficult things about my situation is my social life. When I first moved here, it was so much easier. Although, it was lonely because I didn’t know many people, it was cheap, healthy and lacked distractions. Now, here I am almost 4 years later in a similar financial place but with a very different social standing. There is always a reason to go to dinner whether it’s because of a birthday, someone’s new job, a hard day, a new restaurant, you haven’t seen someone in awhile or just because you’re really craving some Indian. Eating out is not an option and if it is something I can’t avoid then I have to order the dinner salad even though I am completely seduced by the aroma from the kitchen. Part of me loves this. I took a hard fall from the eating clean wagon and this forces me to be strapped inside of it and the power to say “no” provides confidence however, I would be lying if I didn’t admit it was hard. It’s a struggle emotionally. It’s humbling. I try my best to make it a choice as opposed to me being “unable” and this makes it more comfortable however, it doesn’t help that most in my social circle now my circumstance. It would be nice to do without their looks of pity, guilt for eating more and offers of hand-outs however, I’m sure I would behave the same way if the roles were reversed. Just know-I’m ok, this whole thing was my choice and I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t comfortable. I’m not here for the food, I’m here for the company, the laughing, the debriefing and the scene.